Integration from the Earth

The mounting horror built as I laid pinned to the gurney in the midst of the madness of that public hospital room.  The Brazilian public health care system leaks third world from the cracks caused by generations of covetous corruption.  The insatiable devouring greed has left the lower class with a broken system where blood and pain intermix in a soup of claustrophobic chaos.  And I was a part, as an expat nomad, I was thrown amongst the herd.  I listened to the male nurses talk about the body of the female doctor who walked passed, and I lay below, skin tingling with fear, sweat mixing with sand, and pure terror brewing for what lie ahead.  My body being put to the ultimate test, while my mind raced ahead.  I went to my only sanctuary, my eternal connection to the peace, my only chance to be free.  I lay grasping the whims of the meditation practiced during the months past, the air sputtering in and out, beneath the calamity I found my resting place, hidden within the strands of the breath.  I found hope within the breath.

We made it through, it is behind us now, hidden in a dissolving past.  The feeling hits in waves, passing through me; I observe from the deep repose where my being vibrates.  My brain, my body, that which I’ve been given, integrate the innovative system of titanium into regeneration.  I watch, I listen, I use the ancient wisdom to guide me.  I have always been here, sprawled amongst the cosmos, I stretch so far and wide, bliss and tranquility feel surfeit beyond the outside world.  The terror tries to sneak its way back, perhaps my body crying, acclimating to the new roommate, knowing the house has forever changed.  I tell the body, we are lucky, and I calm the brain to rest.  The cells must integrate I say, we must accept the titanium like it was one our own – for it is with us now, the element found in the crust of the earth.  My body listens and makes the mind connect, creating a healing symphony that even the neurosurgeons may not know exists.  We heal, we cry, and we get back up again.  We nourish ourselves with plants and fish, calcium rich foods to help the bones calcify.  We must calcify I tell my body, my temple and my church.  I pray to the body, my vessel for the cosmic ride we share.  My brain, panicked, traumatized, we can overcome the pain.  The fear is drifting now, as we find the prodigious inner path to the self.

Home is on the horizon, and I see the trees spread wide.  Pacific Ocean in the distance, I focus on the beauty, allowing the fear to smolder into ash.  A new fire rises inside me, ignited with love and the expansion of the present moment.  Harness the wind and I will be on the cosmic ride again.  Back to my space ship now, home is next stop on this quest.